Christian Caregiving--a Way of Life
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Getting to the Other Side of Grief: Overcoming the Loss of a Spouse
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Caring Criticism: Building Bridges Instead of Walls
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The Promise of Hope: Coping When Life Caves In
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Stories about Stephen Ministry in Action

A Match Made in Heaven

Life-transforming Stephen Ministry relationships begin with a careful matching of each care receiver with just the right Stephen Minister. In addition to following the basic Stephen Ministry principle of matching male care receivers with male Stephen Ministers and female care receivers with female Stephen Ministers, the pastor or Stephen Leader prayerfully considers each care receiver's specific needs, as well as the gifts, skills, and life experiences of the available Stephen Ministers.

When Karen, a Stephen Minister in Texas, was matched with her first care receiver, she got an eyewitness look at how well this process works. "It was a 'God thing' from the moment we met," recalls Karen. "Ours truly was a match made in heaven."

Her care receiver Jenny was grieving the loss of her husband, who had recently died after a four-year battle with a brain tumor. A few years earlier, Karen had also grieved deeply--over the death of two children. Karen and Jenny's common grief experiences helped form a strong bond between the two of them from the beginning.

"While one person's grief is never exactly like another person's, I know what it's like to lose someone close. Your life is turned upside down. You are overwhelmed with very painful, often confusing feelings, like not knowing if you can make it from one day to the next or feeling guilty about every little thing or being angry at God. During the worst part of my grief, I was blessed by having people around who really knew how to care--people who listened and prayed for me, who didn't tell me how I should think or feel, who didn't try to explain why things happened," said Karen.

"I wanted to be that kind of caring person for someone else, which is probably the biggest reason I became a Stephen Minister. So when I was matched with Jenny, I was very much in tune with her needs, and I can only say that it was God who brought us together. It was my opportunity to give back some of what I had received."

Similar grief experiences helped the two women connect right away, but as the relationship developed, they discovered that they had much more in common. "We both went to the same gym. We both loved to cook. We both enjoyed gardening. Each of us even had a dog that had allergies! It was amazing. We clicked on so many different levels that we developed an immediate rapport. The whole thing was a blessing to both of us. God really worked through our shared experiences."

Their commonalities paved the way for a Christ-centered relationship, allowing the process of Jenny's healing to begin. Karen is grateful for the way in which her Stephen Minister training enabled her to help that process along. She remembers, "There were many times when I wanted to be the counselor, but I knew that wasn't my role. My role was to listen and pray, and to hand over the box of tissues when she needed it. Many times I prayed, 'God be with me. Work in and through me. Help me say the right words at the right time and to remain quiet when I need to be quiet--and help me resist the temptation to try to fix things.' And the Lord filled me with his Spirit and helped me just be there for her. Later on Jenny would often say, 'You know, sometimes you wouldn't say but two or three words in an entire hour and that was exactly what I needed. You don't know how much that meant to me.'"

Karen and Jenny's Stephen Ministry relationship lasted about a year. After bringing the formal caring relationship to a close, they remained good friends and still continue to see each other often. "We tease each other because we'll be talking about something and one of us will say, 'Now are you being the care receiver or the caregiver?' 'Who's the Stephen Minister now?' It's our private little joke."

But there's no joke about the profound impact that Stephen Ministry continues to have on Jenny's life. Karen notes, "Certainly, in some sense she has worked through her grief over the loss of her husband. But she's gone through a lot of other changes in her life too. She became very active in our church and is now the chair of the missions program. But perhaps the neatest area of growth is that she decided to become a Stephen Minister. Jenny recently finished her training and will soon be assigned her first care receiver. I received care and gave back by becoming a Stephen Minister. Jenny received care and now she is giving back too. So the cycle of God bringing hope and healing through Stephen Ministry continues over and over again."

The key to Jenny's recovery, Karen believes, was God working through their Christ-centered relationship, a healing relationship that developed quickly because of common bonds and a careful matching process. Karen advises Stephen Leaders to carefully consider the importance of prayer in identifying the right person to match with a care receiver. In Jenny's case, that match made in heaven definitely made working through the grieving process easier than it otherwise might have been.

"Stephen Ministry is so much more than a 'program.' It's a life-changing ministry," Karen adds. "Stephen Ministers invite God to use them as instruments to help other people get their lives back on track. This is a launching pad for going on to greater things."

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