Holy Infant one of many that embrace Stephen Ministry

by Jennifer Brinker, Review Staff Writer
August 4, 2006

Ministers for Christ--Members of Holy Infant Parish in Ballwin gather after
their commissioning in January as
Stephen Ministers. Holy Infant is one of
17 Catholic parishes in the archdiocese
that offer Stephen Ministry. Worldwide,
there are more than 9,000
congregations representing more than
100 Christian denominations that engage
in Stephen Ministry.

In losing two wives to illness, Paul Davis has experienced some tremendous losses during his lifetime.

Davis' first wife, Joan, died from cancer in 1993. The two were married 35 years. He also lost his second wife, Carol, in October 2004 due to complications from back surgery. They had been married eight years.

So it was difficult for Davis when his pastor, Msgr. Thomas Dempsey at Holy Infant in Ballwin, approached him several months after Carol's death to ask him to become involved in Stephen Ministry, a new program at the parish that would help people who were dealing with difficult life situations.

"You're out of your mind," Davis laughed, recalling the initial conversation with Msgr. Dempsey. "I could not understand why he had asked me."

Davis said the priest told him: "I'm not asking you to help. I want you to be a leader. I think you'd be good at this, because you've been through it."

Fast forward a year and a half later, and Davis has actively become involved in the ministry as a Stephen Leader. He counts himself among a group of parishioners who are reaching out to others in their time of need.

A worldwide, interdenominational program, Stephen Ministry got its start in St. Louis in 1975 when Rev. Kenneth C. Haugk, a local Lutheran pastor and clinical psychologist, trained nine laypeople in his congregation to become Stephen Ministers.

They, in turn, provided spiritual care to members of their congregation and community. The caregivers were so excited about the program that they encouraged Haugk to offer the ministry to other faith-based congregations.

The group eventually became a nonprofit organization and named itself Stephen Ministries St. Louis. The ministry's namesake is St. Stephen, the first layperson commissioned by the Apostles to provide caring ministry to those in need.

Today, more than 9,000 congregations representing more than 100 Christian denominations are enrolled in the Stephen Series, the name given to the lay caregiving ministry system implemented in congregations. According to officials with Stephen Ministries St. Louis, there are 17 Catholic parishes in the archdiocese that offer Stephen Ministry.

Holy Infant got its start with the ministry in April 2005 when six parishioners, including Davis, completed a five-day leadership training seminar, which equipped them to start the ministry in the parish.

Ministry Training--Laura Teague, standing at the right, offers a presentation to Holy Infant parishioners undergoing training to become Stephen Ministers. The Ballwin parish implemented the ministry in April 2005. Founded by a Lutheran pastor in St. Louis in 1975, the worldwide, transdenominational ministry helps people facing difficult life situations such
as the death of a loved one,
a job loss or divorce.

After the first group of leaders completed its initial training, its members came back to the parish and selected 21 volunteers to undergo 50 hours of training beginning in October 2005. The group was commissioned in January 2006. The parish plans to actively recruit new ministers this month.

Msgr. Dempsey said he learned of Stephen Ministry through Patricia Foley, Holy Infant's director of religious education, who had participated in the program at a Texas parish.

Msgr. Dempsey said the ministry was appealing to him as a pastor because it complements the spiritual support that a priest can offer to his flock.

"Stephen Ministry has a knack of working with people over a long period of time," he said.

Msgr. Dempsey, however, noted that programs like Stephen Ministry are becoming all that more important as the number of priests continues to decline and many congregations continue to grow. Holy Infant, for example, has about 2,800 households and continues to welcome new members every month.

"As our (priests') numbers diminish, we're going to have (lay)people doing the things that we do," he said. "The time is coming where we're going to be needing those kinds of ministries."

Stephen Ministers help people with issues such as the loss of a spouse through separation, divorce or death, job loss, loss of a child or other loved one, terminal illness or someone considering abortion, said Davis. The ministry also is available to new parishioners who wish to better acquaint themselves with parish life.

"It's sometimes difficult to explain the concept of what a Stephen Minister does," said Davis. "We are not counselors, we're not therapists. Basically we are proactive listeners."

Ministers also follow the ministry's motto, Davis said, which is "We are the caregivers, Christ is the curegiver."

The theory behind the program is that a Stephen Minister will not tell a person what to do but rather "ask many questions and encourage you until you start seeing a solution for yourself," said Davis.

The process of selecting volunteer ministers is selective. Applicants, who must be 18 or older, will undergo an interview and criminal background check. Training topics include how to deal with a person suffering a loss, spirituality, assertiveness and recognizing signs of abuse or suicide.

A Stephen Minister also is required to maintain confidentiality, which also makes it difficult for Davis to pinpoint exactly how many people at his parish have been helped by Stephen Ministers.

He noted that breach of confidentiality is one of the biggest reasons a minister will leave the program, which he added has never happened at Holy Infant. Confidentiality can be broken, however, if danger is imminent, such as a person who displays violent or suicidal behavior.

Davis said abortion is possibly one of the most difficult issues a Catholic Stephen Minister will face, because the program teaches ministers to remain neutral when they work with care receivers.

"For a Catholic to sit there and say, 'You have to decide for yourself if you want an abortion' is pretty tough to do," he said. A minister, however, can refer the person to a crisis pregnancy center, such as Birthright, for additional assistance.

The rewards Stephen Ministers receive far outweigh the emotional ups and downs of helping a person in crisis, said Davis. He said ministers often will talk about how their involvement boosts their spirituality. Ministers also have noted how much they have learned from the ministry and applied what they've learned to their own lives.

"What we're hearing from Stephen Ministers almost across the board is, 'This program has helped me in my own walk of faith,'" he said.

"I think the people who are involved in it find it very satisfying," said Msgr. Dempsey. "They feel that they're really doing Church work . . . and I think that is the reward of the ministry--the good feeling."

Copyright © 2006 by St. Louis Review. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

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