When and How to Use Mental Health Resources
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Networking: Blessings from Afar

During her 12 years as a Stephen Leader in Connecticut, Donna Authers worked hard to establish a sound network of Stephen Ministry congregations in her area. She's convinced of the immense value of networking.

"I'm a firm believer in networking," Donna said. "Not only are we able to get referrals from other churches, or 'borrow' Stephen Ministers when we have more needs than we can meet, it provides a great source of support and encouragement for Stephen Leaders and Stephen Ministers alike. Networking helps with so many things--with retreats, continuing education, getting guest speakers. It creates a vibrant community among Stephen Ministry congregations in the same area."

A New Perspective

Networking took on a whole new dimension for Donna when her mother, who lived in Florida, was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. To complicate matters further, Donna's mother was primary caregiver for her husband, who had recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. "I lived in Connecticut at the time," Donna said. "And although we talked every day and I visited my mother at least once a month, I knew that wasn't enough support for her. She had no one else to really confide in, and because she was so selfless, she didn't want me to stay away from my husband."

Persuading the Caregiver to Receive Care

The first step Donna had to take was to convince her mother that she needed care. "I encouraged her to have a Stephen Minister," Donna said. "Of course she resisted. I used all the training I had as a referrals coordinator to persuade her.

"I asked her how she as a caregiver felt when she gave care to her husband and her neighbors. Of course she said it felt good. Then I asked her why she thought she should have all the fun. Since she was going to be a constant caregiver to her husband for as long as she was able, it was time for her to be involved in the ministry of receiving care, because caregivers need support."

Stephen Ministers provide a special kind of care and support that friends and family members just can't give. "I told her she needed someone to talk to," Donna continued. "She couldn't just talk to me; as a daughter I was too emotionally involved with her. She knew it was true, that we protected each other. Mom didn't want to express all her painful feelings to me; she said, 'If I do and you start to cry, I'll cry. And if I start to cry I won't be able to stop because I can't bear the thought of leaving you.'"

Through Donna's caring concern, her mother saw the wisdom of accepting a Stephen Minister's care.

A Stephen Minister in Florida

The second step was to find an appropriate Stephen Minister in her mother's area. Because her mother's church didn't have Stephen Ministry, Donna contacted Stephen Ministries St. Louis. As a Stephen Leader, she obtained the names of several Stephen Series congregations in her mother's area and talked with their Stephen Leaders. A pastor visited her mother, interviewed her, and then assigned a Stephen Minister. It was a wonderful match.

"She and my mom became good friends," Donna said. "They took walks together and talked. Her Stephen Minister was part of the network of support that I had built around her--hospice and all the resources available to families in this situation.

"My mother died at Easter--the Resurrection. How symbolic, and what a glorious gift," Donna said. "I was with her. We didn't say good-bye; I just said, 'See you later, Mom.' We were just at peace because it was such a beautiful passing."

A Blessing in Return

Just a few weeks after her mother's death, Donna got a call from the Stephen Minister who had cared for her mother.

"She said, 'Donna, I now know why God matched us. I've been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. And now I know how to die. Because of your mom I learned how to go through this and die with the kind of grace and dignity that your mom had. She will be my role model as I go through this.'"

Giving the Gift of Long-Distance Care

How can you find care for a friend or loved one who lives far away? If you're part of a Stephen Ministry congregation, all you need to do is make sure that your loved one would be open to having a Stephen Minister, and then call one of your congregation's Stephen Leaders. Your Stephen Leader can call Stephen Ministries St. Louis, and one of our customer service representatives will give him or her contact information for several Stephen Ministry congregations in your loved one's area.

To protect the privacy of Stephen Leaders and enrolled congregations, Stephen Ministries gives such contact information only to Stephen Leaders. They in turn contact a Stephen Leader in your loved one's area, who decides whether Stephen Ministry is appropriate and, if so, makes the assignment.

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